Fifty Shades Reversed
by MrsGrey101
Summary: During Fifty Shades Darker Christian thinks Ana is leaving him for a second time. He kneels submissively. What happens if she has to take control and their heart to heart chat never took place.
1. Chapter 1

"Christian, Christian, please listen to me". He doesn't respond. No, no, no. this can't be. I can't lose him I have to get him back. "Come back to me please, I wasn't leaving, I promise!"

Nothing.

He kneels there, silently, not doing or saying anything.

Do I call Dr Flynn?

No.

He's been sat on the floor in this submissive pose for nearly an hour now. Nothing I say has made him react.

Be strong Ana, you can do this. You can bring him back. He needs you. You're his more. You're his everything.

How? I feel lost. I want to join him in his world on the floor, succumb to being controlled too. But it's useless. I have to be strong, strong for both of us.

"Get up Christian" The words are out of my mouth before I know I've said them.

What am I doing? I'm taking control? Maybe this is what he needs. I'm right, I know I am. I can make this work. This is just a blip. He needs me to be strong right now and prove that I wasn't going anywhere. Stay Ana, I tell myself, stay strong for both of you.

And then it hits me.

What if this is him now? Have I lost my fifty? This once powerful, control freak, of a….my powerful, control freak, in all his fifty shades….it's not him. I can't bear to look at him.

I can't think straight, I can't breathe. He's prepared to let me be in charge. Ok, ok. I can do this; I can do this for us. Maybe it's the only way.

Christian is standing now, head bowed, looking at the floor. What do I do? What do I say? Think Ana, think. What would Christian do? He'd take control.

"You need to eat Christian" It's all I can think of to say. "Sit" I point to the kitchen bar stool. He does. Watching him move in this way, so unthinking, so effortlessly, so lost in a submissive world, a world that I have never allowed myself to understand fully. I can see it now though. See what he expected from me when we first met. I know I could never have been this for him.

I cautiously follow him over to the kitchen and move to open the fridge, all the while wondering when he's going to snap out of it, if he'll snap out of it. He still hasn't said anything. Is that normal? Are subs meant to be silent? I don't think so. Is this how he was with her?

It pains me to see him this way. And I know. I know this is how she made him. I can see how easily she took control of him, how easy it was for him to be with her and how easy it was for her to add to his already messed up world, so easy to abuse Christian as a teenager.

This is my fault. I'm just as bad as her.

Snap out of it Ana. I poor myself a glass of crisp, cold chardonnay and make him a sub, oh the irony. I smirk to myself, why am I now finding this amusing? I peep through my lashes at him to see if he is watching me. He eats silently and quickly, all the while his head is lowered. No reaction. This really isn't funny.

"I'm not eating Christian and I've had far too much to drink. Are you going to do anything about it?"

Silence.

"Answer me!" I implore him. I've come round the breakfast bar and am now standing with my face inches from his.

"Answer me, please". I can feel nausea running through me, my head feels light, and I can't look at him. I turn away. "God you can be so, so exasperating, answer me. NOW"

"No"

I'm frozen to the spot, not daring to look back at the man I love. "What did you say?" My voice is barely a whisper. I'm scared that anything more will cause him to freeze up on me again.

"No" He responds again.

A swing round and encircle him in my arms. Oh thank god! He's back, he's talking. "Oh Christian, you had me so worried, don't ever do that to me again. I need you, no matter what; I'm never going to leave you"

I pull back to look into his wonderful grey eyes and suddenly feel as though all the wind has been knocked out of me. His eyes are lowered; he's not looking at me. "No, what?" I ask tentatively.

"No, Ma'am"

Help. HELP. HELP. I'm screaming on the inside. This can't be. This isn't what I want. I want to know what the answer no was in reference to; no he wasn't going to answer my question, no, he wasn't going to do anything about me not eating?

I'm reeling; I'm so mad. I want to throw something at him. Anything for a reaction. I'd take the punishment, several times over. I'd give anything. The last thing I expected was to hear him refer to me like that.

I need time to think. I can't with Christian in the room acting like this. It's not him. It's getting late, maybe in the morning he'll wake up and everything will be ok and normal again. It will be ok; it will, it must, won't it? Normal. What a joke. Our relationship has never been normal. Time, that's all and sleep.

"Go to bed Christian" I say in a voice so calm and controlled that I don't even recognise I said it until the words are out of my mouth. I feel my body behaving differently too, mirroring my tone of voice: I feel powerful, strong and capable.

He leaves the room obediently.

I'm left feeling bereft and empty. I'm tired, so tired, the effects of the alcohol suddenly making me feel as though I could sleep for a week.

I make my way to the bedroom and not wanting to disturb Christian move quietly across the room and pull back the covers. It's only then in the dim light that I realise the bed is empty. With horror I run out of the room and up the stairs. I slowly push open the door and my deepest fear is confirmed. He's in my room, my old room. The subs room.

I crumple to the floor, no longer able to contain the tears. The knot in my throat which I realise I've been fighting back for the last two hours has come undone. I sob inconsolably on the floor.


	2. Chapter 2

**Note from MrsGrey101. Thank you so much for the comments and feedback so far. I can't stop thinking about how this is developing. My chapters are like screen shots in my mind at the moment. I don't want to take it too quickly, so here's a bit of Ana and how she's fairing. I hope you like it. **

_Christian kneeling, head bowed, a gun pointing at him. Everything is so slow. _

_A noise, a soft, maniacal laugh; the back of a brown haired girl, Christian kneeling, unmoving, and then she's beside him whispering in his ear. It's me, what did I say to him?. _

_His head rises and he looks directly into the eyes of the person wielding the gun, his steel grey eyes penetrating, laughing, taunting. _

_She looks up from beside him too and together they speak, lips moving in unison, no sound, what are they saying? My eyes flit from the end of the gun, to Christian, to the me beside him._

_No, no, no, that's not me, it's her, Leila, and I'm holding the gun. _

I wake with a start. I feel clammy and alone. I try to picture more for my dream. What did I do?

The dim morning light tells me I've been there all night. I feel groggy and dazed. There is no escaping from what happened last night. My face feels swollen and my throat raw. My dream comes back to haunt me again.

I peel myself up from the floor, worried in case I'm found curled on the floor, what if Taylor or Mrs Jones find me here, have already found me here?

Christian will be so mad at me for showing him up.

I walk softly and carefully back along the corridor and tiptoe quietly down the stairs, the clock on the oven tells me it's a little after five thirty in the morning. Everyone will be up soon. I need to shower; I need to wash the night and my dream away.

I make my way back to our room, relived not to have bumped into anyone. I still can't get my head around the idea of never truly being alone. There is always someone else, moving in the shadows, keeping quiet, holding their tongue. Did they see what happened last night? Did they hear anything? I'm embarrassed at the thought and mollified too. I'm not alone in this.

I tear myself out of yesterday's clothes and let them fall forgotten to the floor, my feet are puffy and I wince as I finally take off the black Prada heels I've had on my feet since 8.15am yesterday. It's funny what comes to mind when you're trying to block things out. Why didn't I take my shoes off?

I turn on the shower and wait for the steam to fill the room, inhale, exhale, inhale, exhale. The steam cleansing me from the inside out, cleansing my breath. The fog lifts from mind a little as I step under the slightly too hot spray. I contemplate what today will have in store. We clearly need to talk about what happened last night; Leila, him. I have so many questions.

I'd almost forgotten about the incident in my apartment what with the alcohol and Christian acting so weirdly. What happened after I was pulled away leaving the man I love with his crazy gun wielding ex? The image of me holding a gun towards Christian in my dream floats across my eyes. I feel a chill despite the cascade of hot water from the memory.

I step out of the shower and pull a fluffy towel around myself. I might as well get dressed and then I'll check on Christian I think. I carefully pick out a black pencil skirt and dark panty hose to go with a well fitted cream blouse that does up Victorian style at the neck. I don't want too much on show today when I talk to Christian about last night. I need to find some distance for this conversation and we don't do too well keeping our hands off each other. My clothes creating a barrier. We won't have long before we leave for work. Should we discuss this now or over dinner?

I'm pondering this thought while applying my make-up, my eyes are still puffy and I'm very pale. Noise from the kitchen disturbs me.

I find Mrs Jones in her usual position, making coffee. It's nearly six thirty. Christian should be up.

"Tea Ana?" enquires Mrs Jones with a warm smile, concern etched ever so slightly on her face at my appearance. Damn, I thought I'd done a fairly good job hiding last night's cry-athon. "Please" is all I can muster.

I walk slowly up the stairs to where Christian had been sleeping peacefully an hour before. The room is empty, the bed is made. There's no sign that anyone slept there last night. He must be in his study.

I tentatively knock the door and there's no answer, maybe he's on the phone. I push the door open a crack, again empty. Where is he?

I'm answered by the sound of Mrs Jones greeting Christian with a "Good morning, Mr Grey" from behind me.

I join him at the breakfast bar. "Christian", I say with relief. The transformation from last night is astounding. He looks well rested, relaxed and completely back to his usual controlling self. I smile at him and sit on the empty bar stool to drink my tea.

"Miss Steele" murmurs Christian, he doesn't move to kiss me or look at me. He's eating his omelette and looking through his Blackberry. Does he ever stop working?

"What can I get you for breakfast Ana?" Mrs Jones interrupts my thoughts. "Just some cereal please" she places it before me and leaves the room.

"Oh Christian" I throw my arms around his neck and nuzzle into him, taking in his intoxicating scent. "Last night, when you were…..kneeling, I thought I'd lost you, I hated seeing you that way, I'm….." I trail off. He's not hugging me back. I pull away and there it is.

Head lowered, eyes locked to the breakfast bar counter top.

"Mr Grey?" Taylor is standing by the foyer entrance. Christian rises and forces a distance between us.

As he walks away, I feel my world, spiralling out of control. A small anguished cry leaves my lips.


	3. Chapter 3

**Note from MrsGrey101: please bare with me, I know many of you are asking what's suddenly wrong with Christian and what has Ana done? There are answers, this is just my view of what could have happened in chapter 14 of "Darker". Please keep reading and commenting. **

This is ridiculous, I think to myself.

I run back to the bedroom and retrieve my Blackberry from the bedside table. As I push the call button, I'm furious, anger is bubbling up inside me. I have to speak to him. It rings, and rings again, the ringing driving my fury, sparking the flame. He doesn't answer and I get his answerphone.

How childish. He can't ignore me forever. I'm not going to talk to a voicemail. I push the recall button and the annoying voice of the operator telling me that they can't connect my call, pushes me over the edge. I throw my phone on the bed. I start pacing the room, heat rising up my legs, onto my stomach, creeping slowly over my breasts, up my neck until finally I lift the pillow from the bed and scream.

Once I've started I can't stop screaming, I scream over and over. I don't care if anyone can hear me. I'm frustrated and shaking as I manage to contain my last silent, cathartic scream.

Sawyer is waiting for me in the lobby.

"Not today, thank you Sawyer, I'll drive myself in".

"I'm afraid that's not possible Miss Steele, Mr Grey's orders… Is everything ok?" He heard me, who cares? I must have sounded like a lunatic.

"But, Leila's been caught now, I'll be fine"

"Sorry, Miss Steele, I'm under orders"

"Fine, I'll just go clean my teeth and then we can leave". I start creating a plan of action as I walk back to the bedroom and into the master bathroom, mechanically putting toothpaste on the brush.

* * *

As we pull out of the underground parking, onto the already busy Seattle streets, I'm calmed and relieved to think that Christian still wants me safe and won't leave me unattended. I have no idea what's going through his mind right now, have I ever? Somewhere in that fucked up mind of his, he still cares, he still wants me. I know it. So why is he acting this way?

"Sawyer, can you take me to Grey House? Christian forgot something. I think he needs it today". I ask in the sweetest voice I can muster. Our eyes lock in the rear view mirror. "I'll call ahead, Taylor can meet us outside".

This isn't part of the plan.

"No, no, don't do that" Shit. SHIT. Think Ana. Panic. I have to see him.

"It's, its erm…..its, this is embarrassing. It's personal. I really need to give it to him in myself". I flush a deep scarlet and look away from his gaze, which has been flicking between the road and back to mine. The thought of the conversations he must have overheard while escorting us around.

He turns the Audi in the direction of Grey House. I allow myself a small sigh of relief.

* * *

I glance at the clock over the Receptionists desk as I enter the vast lobby, 7.45. I can still make it in on time. I don't want Jack on my case today.

I make myself known to Blonde 1 who I met only a few short weeks ago. She smiles at me with recognition. I'm not so embarrassed coming here this time. I know I look good in my expensive, designer clothes. My war paint and clothes, my armour; masking the scared woman inside. I fit in here, by appearance at least.

Blonde 1 has allowed me to go up in the lift even though my names not on the prescribed list for today. I'm holding my breath as the elevator rises. What if he won't see me?

Ping. The doors glide open. Blonde 2 and 3 are just how I remember them. Blonde 3 rises, "Miss Steele?"

"Hello, yes, er, may I see Christian? Only for a moment" I sound crazy. What am I doing here, just turning up like this?

Blonde 2 has silently got up and entered his office before I've even finished asking to see him.

I hear him shout "NO". Blonde 2 scurries back into the lobby and to her post. "I'm sorry Miss Steele; Mr Grey is unavailable at the moment".

So he is refusing. Ok, well two can play this game. I storm past the Blondes who react too slowly. I'm pushing open the door to his office as Blonde 3 stumbles after me. "I'm sorry Mr Grey, she just walked b…."

"Leave us". He stares at her as she backs out of his office, her face showing shock at how harshly he has spoken to her.

Stalemate. Which one of us is going to react first, the energy in the room is tense and filled with electricity running between us, but this is different, it's not like the first time he held me in his arms, pulling me safely away from the oncoming cyclist, or when we were in the lift the first time he kissed me.

This is raw and unknown tension, I can't make out what this feeling is.

He hasn't looked at me yet. I move closer into his office, reminded of how embarrassed I was at that first fateful meeting. He steps back, his gaze focused on the floor. I want that gaze, I'm longing for him to look at me with his beautiful grey eyes. I want to lose myself in them forever and feel his hands on me, caressing me, loving me, the touch of his lips finding mine, his long, strong fingers probing.

"Christian", I take another step closer, "we need to talk". I step closer to him again, the electricity building, the distance between us is now like a shock to the system, my heart is pounding. "Look at me" I demand. I need to see what he's thinking.

He lifts his head and stares me straight in the face. I step closer, I could touch him if I lifted my hands, but they're like weights by my side. His eyes are focused on me, but his expression is unreadable. I move closer again, our faces just inches apart. I can smell his scent, fresh linen, body wash and his own intoxicating smell.

"Kiss me" I breath the words out, I lift my chin to find his mouth, I sigh and stifle a moan as I can feel his breath on me, the tip of my tongue finding his. My hands are holding his head in place, as I push deeper into his mouth, steeling every inch of it, reunited with his taste, I can feel the tingle his kiss has ignited all over me, the familiar sensation of longing, the need for him to love me, rising like a flame.

The phone on his desk rings. I'm pulled back to the here and now and break away from the kiss too soon. Instantly his eyes are focused on the floor again, he reaches for the phone "Grey" he snaps "yes, I'll be there in a minute…..no, I'm not busy, I'm on my way".

"Why won't you look at me?" I mumble sulkily "What have I done?" My anger has returned. Whatever this is it's his issue. "Why are you making me suffer? Please we need to talk; you need to explain why you've become so cold".

Nothing. He just stands there. My right hand finds his cheek. Damn that smarts. Tears are now running hot down my face, my hand makes contact again.

Blonde 2 knocks and pushes open the door, "Mr Grey, they're waiting for you in the meeting room". She stands there, holding the door open. I'm thankful I have my back to her.

"Thank you" he says to me as he walks by me. And I'm left with a sore hand and still no closer to an answer about anything.


	4. Chapter 4

**Note from MrsGrey101: Here's a bit of how Christian see's this. I've never written from a man's perspective before so I hope I've done him justice. It ties in with Chapter 1. Enjoy.**

From C's POV

I can see her before me, she's safe, she's back. My eyes refuse to focus. I want to hold her. Why the fuck didn't she come home like I told her to?.

My heart starts beating again. My stupidity, my actions, my history, my need for control put her in danger. It's my past that's the problem.

Fuck. I'm such an idiot. I can't let this happen again. I'm not good enough. I can't take care of her, not the way she needs me to. I know what I need to do.

* * *

I can feel the blackness take hold of me, the dark, the safety in the shadows. Yes, yes, the safety of being told what to do.

I've missed this, I kneel on the floor head lowered, tell me what to do Ana, tell me how to love you, show me how to love you. Take control. Good girl Ana.

I hear her telling me to get up. Show me you love me, I need her now more than ever to hurt me the way I nearly allowed her to be hurt. I need to feel her make me feel real again. Seeing her in the same room as Leila…I can't wipe the image from my brain, it should never have happened. I need to be taught a lesson.

"You need to eat Christian, sit" I move mechanically to the bar stool, my legs moving me, steadily, precisely. God, I was good at this. I've missed this. Elena always said it's what I needed. She was right. I don't have to do anything. This is easy.

She's moving round the kitchen, I can sense her movement and my mind starts to sway in its own dance following the motion I can hear her body, her beautiful body making. This is torture in itself. Being so close and not touching. She puts a plate in front of me and I automatically begin to eat, it's tasteless, my world is nothing I just wait for her instruction, for her to make me survive.

"I'm not eating Christian and I've had far too much to drink. Are you going to do anything about it?" Her voice is taunting and playful. No, Ana, that's what the old me who put you in danger would do, that me would give you a hiding riding now.

"Answer me!" She's come round the breakfast bar and is now standing inches from me. Yes, that's right baby, come closer, show me how much it can hurt.

"Answer me, please" she's pleading with me. No baby. Don't beg, command! You can do it baby, I need you to.

"God you can be so, so exasperating, answer me. NOW" she shouts the last word.

"No" come on baby, give me a break. Take control.

_I can picture the first time Elena really took control, we were in her kitchen. It was about a week after that first slap round the face. Unusually she'd allowed me into the house. She told me to take off my pants and to lean against the kitchen island. I was so excited. It was the first time she used anything other than her hand on me. The metal of the spatula slapping against my skin caught me by surprise. The pain and the thrill were so overwhelming._

Ana has her arms around me, when did that happen? I'm aware that she's saying something but I can't make out her words, I'm caught off guard by her sudden rush of affection to me and from the memory of Elena.

"No what?" her voice is back in focus.

"No, Ma'am" it's like my hearing has suddenly started working on a whole other plain, I can hear the hair on her body stand on end, the muscles in her stomach tightening as I say the words.

Come on baby, I can feel how much you want to do it, just trust yourself. You know you can, you with your smart mouth, take control Anastasia. Saying her name in my head is like an elixir.

"Go to bed Christian"

It's an order. I rise and walk out of the room.


	5. Chapter 5

**Note from MrsGrey101: Sorry for the long wait between chapters. I've been really busy today and I wanted to do this some justice; it's been quite time consuming making sure that C and A were in the right rooms as events untangled so as not to contradict Ana's POV. Fingers crossed tomorrow allows or more writing. Enjoy **

From C's POV still

I wake to hazy light. I need Ana to sort me out.

God, I need this. I need it more than I ever have. I slept well, but I've woken with a hunger for punishment. Even when Elena first introduced me to this world I never needed it this bad. It helped. It really helped. It's what created my focus and got me on the straight and narrow. But this new feeling is more toxic, it's in me, all consuming.

It's like energy within me, forcing me out of bed.

I shower quickly and throw a towel around my waist; I'll have to face the inquisitive glances from Taylor and Mrs Jones no doubt. It will look odd me not coming out of my own room dressed and ready for the day. But to hell with it, this is my apartment. If I want to walk around half naked I will.

Luck is on my side this morning, I think as I make my way unnoticed to my room.

I can hear the shower running and am tempted to join Ana in the shower…..I step towards the door and reach for the handle. FUCK! No, I can't do this. It's not my place to anymore.

She's tantalising close. I can imagine her running her hands through her hair, washing away the suds, running them over her breasts, her pert full breasts, her nipples hard, so hard from the feel of the water playing off her skin, lower over her abdomen, slowly, slowly, lower, desire is building. Just thinking of her…she's running her fingers through her pubic hair, back and forth, back and….

Stop it. Stop it. Stop it. I have to push the image away, my erection pressing against the towel. Get dressed. Stop thinking. It's not my place to decide when and where. Ana will tell me when.

I open my closet and dress quickly, suit, white shirt, tie, shoes. Done.

* * *

I have an early meeting; I'm hoping that Ana will find me in my study and give me some indication of when she'll deal with me. I don't know that I can get through the day without knowing, the suspense is killing me. She's so good at this, keeping me waiting, if I'd known that her being in this position would be such a turn on I would have done it before now…..and maybe she wouldn't have been in danger.

Seeing Leila last night and what I had done to her, how broken she was. I've fucked everything up. Everything. Shit. I'm a dangerous man if left to decide my own personal life. Work's a different matter. Elena made sure I worked hard and I'm naturally good at what I do.

* * *

I have to leave soon. Mrs Jones has my omelette and coffee waiting for me. I'll check the library, maybe Ana's reading. It's empty.

I can't play cat and mouse all morning, I need breakfast, and I'm hoping that I'm going to need my energy for later.

I sit and begin eating, my blackberry buzzes in my pocket, as I pull it out I catch a glimpse of Ana coming from my study. She's stunning. I feel myself catch my breath. Head down Christian, concentrate.

"Christian" her voice is like a siren's call.

"Miss Steele" I reply.

Ok, keep calm, she smells heavenly from her shower. Mrs Jones leaves the room. Before Ana she would always stay in the kitchen pottering around, making small talk. How I wish she still would. I can still picture Ana in the shower; I know I can contain myself if we're not left alone.

Fuck. No Ana, please let go I say silently. What is she saying?

"….kneeling, I thought I'd lost you, I hated seeing you that way, I'm….."

Come on Grey, Elena taught you better, focus. Not until she tells you.

Taylor's voice is a welcome sound this morning. I'm slightly startled by the interruption, but grateful. I would have had her on the breakfast bar, taken what's mine. But it's not my place.

* * *

My morning is dragging on.

I cancelled my early meeting, I can't concentrate. All I can think of is her, what she might do to me. The possibilities are endless. Tonight. I hope tonight. I just have to get through the day.

My train of thought is broken.

"Sir, Miss Steele is here and asking to see you".

"No" My voice is a roar; I startle her by my reaction. I'm a good boss, normally. Did she even knock?

I can hear a commotion from outside my door.

"I'm sorry Mr Grey, she just walked b…."

Ana is standing a few feet away from me. She looks pissed. I love her angry face.

"Leave us".

We're alone. I'm instantly frozen, looking at my feet. I can sense her anger and frustration; I can feel its pull. It's hot, it's intense.

She moves towards me, I step back. The closer she is the more intense the feeling.

"Christian", she moves closer but my legs won't allow me to cause further separation. 

"We need to talk".She steps further toward me. Oh Ana, we need to do more than that.

"Look at me" she commands. I look her straight in the eye. I'm transfixed.

She's so close now, one more step, come on baby, yes, good girl. 

"Kiss me" it's not a command but her lips are on mine. I feel like a starved man, being fed for the first time in months. That's right Ana. Her hands are strong around my head, clutching at my hair, a slight pull, ah…. yes Ana, harder, pull harder, her tongue is searching, invading, taking.

I hate phones I think as mine rings. I have to answer, this is work and I'm expecting some important potential business partners, but I can't break away. This is what she wants and it's her kiss. She stops. I knew she would. My heart is thundering under my rib cage.

As I reach for the phone, I lower my gaze. I will wait for her. They're here. I have to go to this meeting

"Grey, yes, I'll be there in a minute…..no, I'm not busy, I'm on my way". I'm really snappy this morning. I hang up.

"Why won't you look at me? What have I done? Why are you making me suffer? Please we need to talk; you need to explain why you've become so cold" She's angry, really angry.

I can't speak, I know I have to answer her, but I don't know how to put this into terms she'll understand.

And then, there it is, my cheek burns, slap, there it is again. Oh it feels like heaven. I knew she could. Good girl Ana. Once more please; I wait for the blow.

Fuck. Today is not my day."Mr Grey, they're waiting for you in the meeting room". Luck does not exist. I wish I had cancelled all of today's meetings, this was just getting interesting, but I know I have to go.

"Thank you" I say as I pass her. I can get through the day now. I walk out the room, back in control; this is my building, and my meeting.


	6. Chapter 6

**Note from MrsGrey101: Thank you for the fabulous reviews and messages I've had about C's POV. I was very worried about those chapters. Please keep the comments and reviews coming, they're pushing me to get this story right for you. Enjoy**

I can't believe he's just thanked me. Did that really happen? Someone pinch me please. Wake up Ana, wake up.

This is one long nightmare and I really, really want to wake up. Do people have the ability to smell in dreams? Can we feel things? If they don't then maybe I'm trapped in some sort of surreal version of my life; one where these things can happen, because my hand hurts, really hurts and he barely flinched. I think he wanted me to hit him. What a sicko.

* * *

When I arrive at SIP Claire is waiting for me.

"Good morning Ana. You ok?"

"Fine" I feel like I'm in a trance. I have no memory of leaving Christian's office or the ride to work.

"Jack's been looking for you; he's in a right mood today. If you can in anyway keep your head down today and stay out of his way, I recommend it".

What was she saying? I'm staring past her, my feet are like lead. I don't feel like I can move. I'm frozen, I feel so lost and desolate. Am I in shock? Did that really just happen; did I really just slap him? When he decides to snap out of this awful mood I know I'll be in trouble.

_The belt, the red walls, the unrelenting pain as it hit against me._

That tore us apart, I don't think I'll survive, I know I wouldn't survive another punishment that bad. 

"Ana, did you hear what I just said? Ana, Jack's looki….."

"ANA!" Jacks' voice carries across reception, clear and booming, full of intent to make my day hell.

I feel winded and short of breath, I'm light headed and tired. I could really do without Jack today. I'm only eight minutes late for work. Am I really only eight minutes late? It felt as though I stood in his office staring at the deep redness of my palm for an eternity. Why won't he give me a break?

"ANA, get the hell over here NOW!"

Ok, here goes nothing.

"What the hell kind of time do you call this?" Jack says as he turns and begins walking back towards his office.

"Good morning to you too Jack" to hell with it, he's already pissed at me. Who cares if he doesn't like my sarcastic response.

He swivels on the spot. "Ana, your smart mouth is going to get you in trouble one of these days".

Whooah, where did that come from? I've never been anything but professional and polite to him.

"Sorry Jack. I've had a bad morning, sorry I'm late" I say through gritted teeth. I should at least attempt to placate him and make my day somewhat bearable.

"Bring me a coffee, I've got some things I need you to go through", he barks at me.

I make my way to my desk and fire up my computer. I suppose I should forget about the last nine hours and get on with my day.

"Ana, coffee!" Jack's head appears from his office door.

It's not like Jack's going to give me time to brood today anyway.

* * *

In the kitchen I flick the switch on the coffee filter. Jack's getting a fresh cup, decaf. He can wait. He's obviously had too much today.

I stare at the drip, drip, drip as the coffee slowly starts to hit the pot. It makes a comforting sizzling sound every now and then.

Christian blows so hot and cold, one minute he starts opening up to me and I think he's giving the more that I so desperately desire, and then it's like a light switches off and I'm surrounded my high brick walls on all sides, starting the climb all over again without a ladder or a light to guide me.

Ok, so I know I should have just walked out of the apartment when Christian told me to, but how could I leave the man I love with her. Whispering close to her ear; sharing a secret that I'm not privy to. She had a gun. She was capable of anything…..and the way he reacted when I got home, I'm so confused.

"Arggghh. FUCK, shit, shit" The coffee pot smashes at my feet as small blisters start to form on my hand, the scolding hot coffee bringing me back to the present. I have coffee stains down my blouse. I don't even remember lifting it from the machine.

I instantly bend down to start gathering up the broken glass, ignoring the searing pain in my hand.

"ANA" I can hear Jack's voice before he appears at the door. "What the hell is keeping you so long?"

He turns the corner as he finishes his inquisition to my whereabouts. I can feel his eyes on me, burning a hole into my back. The man gives me the creeps.

"Ana! Are you ok?" he asks in a concerned, soothing voice, his hand on my lower back. I straighten immediately, frozen.

" I'm… a, I'm fine Jack, just a slight accident, I'll call maintenance and get them to clear the rest of this up".

He surveys the damage I've caused, his eyes catch the site of my burnt hand and before I have a moment to hide it from him he carefully lifts it into his own callus covered hands. My hand looks foreign in his, tiny and unattached to anything.

"You should really be more careful Ana, you need to get this looked at", he locks eyes with mine.

I snatch my hand back "no it's fine, thank you for your concern, I'll be ok. I'll just run it under water for a few minutes"

Claire thankfully comes in, cutting the tension between me and Jack. "Ohh Ana, you poor thing, here let me help you"

* * *

Jack's now being overly nice to me. He's only given me simple things to do since my accident. He's made me spend a lot of time in his office watching him while he reads and writes his own reports on things; "training me" was I think the phrase he used.

I'm excused from him when he's called to a meeting. The clock on my computer alerts me to the fact that it's now 3.15. Where has the day gone? I've been bored all day listening to Jack's long monologues, thankfully I only had to sit there and nod politely in the right places. I realise I've heard nothing from Christian all day.

I dislike the eerie silence; I miss the playful communication we so easily share. I miss him. Just one e-mail or text would do.

I pull up my e-mails. Nothing. Blackberry? Nothing.

Maybe he's bored with me, maybe seeing Leila last night has made him realise what he's missing out on, confirmed that I'm not enough for him. Perhaps he's now just trying to make it easier for me when he tells me he's had enough. Pushing me away. He always say's I communicate better through e-mail, maybe he will too.

**From:** Anastasia Steele

**Subject:** us?

**Date: **June 15 2011 15:23

**To:** Christian Grey

Is there an "us"? Are you trying to end our "relationship"?

I'm sorry I slapped you this morning; I don't know what came over me.

You always tell me to talk to you and tell you how I feel. You need to do the same.

Something is clearly bothering you. Are you mad at me for not leaving my apartment

when Leila was there? Is it because I went for a drink with Ethan?

Please talk to me Christian, I promised I wouldn't leave you; I wasn't going to last night.

Whatever it is, you have to tell me. The silence is killing me. If you need to take me into the Red Room, then please, for whatever it is I've done, be gentle.

Anastasia Steele

Assistant to Jack Hyde, Editor, SIP

I wait for the usually prompt ping of his response. I wait all afternoon. At five thirty when I switch my computer off, he's still not replied.

I know deep down that this means it's bad. Whatever it is, I know that fate has something dreadful in store for me. Losing Christian would kill me, I'm ready for anything. _My subconscious has packed her bags and is waving a white flag in surrender_.


	7. Chapter 7

**NOTE from MrsGrey101:Thank you all again for the support and reviews. **

As Sawyer pulls into the underground parking lot at Escala I realise how hungry I am. I've not had anything to eat since lunch yesterday when everything was going fine. What's changed since then?

_Christian was being playful, his usual controlling self, happy to join me and Ethan for dinner, insisting on paying. _

And then Leila. He wants her back. Well I'm ready for the news. I'm braced for it. I just need to hear him say it and then I'll pack my things and leave. For good.

The elevator comes to halt and I'm home. For how much longer will it be "home"? , how long is he going to allow this charade to continue? I wish he'd just put me out of my misery.

I tentatively step into the foyer. I don't even know if he's here. He's never not picked me up from work. I felt crushed not seeing the black SUV waiting for me, Christian waiting in the back to ask how my day had been, to take me in his arms and care for me, distract me from the pain in my hand.

Mrs Jones is preparing dinner.

"Good evening Ana, dinner won't be long".

"Thank you Mrs Jones, it smells divine. Is Christian home?"

I place my bag on the breakfast bar. Mrs Jones catches sight of my hand. "Oh my Ana, how did you do that?"

"Oh it's nothing, really, thank you. It's ok" I don't want to be fussed over "Christian?" I ask after him again.

"He's not home yet. I'll serve your meal when he gets back. Would you like a glass of wine while you wait?"

I decline the drink and decide to call Ray to kill time, to fill the void. He's never very talkative but at least he'll offer some form of distraction.

"Dad, hi how are you?"

"Annie?"

"Yes, Dad, it's me, I just thought I'd call and see how you were?" I laugh, how many other daughters does he have!?

"Oh, I'm fine, about to start watching the game. How is work?"

"Yeah, it's going well. I like it there."

"That's good Annie" I can hear the sound of the TV in the background, he's not going to offer much more conversation tonight.

"Ok, well, I'd better let you get back to your game…" I don't really want to end the conversation, talking to Ray always makes me feel safe. He's so constant and always there for me.

"Is everything ok Annie?"

"Yeah. I'm fine Dad, just tired that's all"

"Ok Annie, call again soon"

"I will. Bye Dad".

"Bye Annie" and with that he's gone.

The sound of the elevator marks Christian's return. Ok, it's show time.

He's taking angrily into his phone. He acknowledges Mrs Jones with a nod and as he catches sight of me, he looks down.

Ok, so he isn't going to make this easy. Well, two can play that game. I'm not backing down. The ball's in his court. Come on Christian play your next hand, I beg silently to myself.

Mrs Jones is serving our food. He walks over to the breakfast bar and sits. This is embarrassing, in front of Mrs Jones, he has completely and obviously ignored me.

"What's for dinner tonight Mrs Jones?" I ask as I join him. I can ignore him too.

"Volaille a La Crème, would you like anything to drink Mr Grey, Ana?"

"Sancerre please Mrs Jones" I reply. Suddenly feeling a drink is what I need.

She places two glasses in front of us and leaves us. My stomach is in knots.

He has started eating, still not having said a word to me. I lift my glass with my burnt hand without thinking. "Shit" the skin on my hand has become tight; flexing my fingers causes a sharp pain and tears prick my eyes.

"TAYLOR!" Christian suddenly shouts, concern etched in his voice.

He runs into the room. "Mr Grey, is everything ok?"

"Ana needs to go to the hospital. Make sure she gets seen straight away, and stay with her"

I stand, I know I need to get this looked at. "Are you not coming?" He's staring at my hand.

"Damnit Christian! Answer me"

"No".

I follow Taylor out, tears now running silently down my face. I'm not crying for pain in my hand, I'm crying because my heart has been torn in two, it's a deep physical pain, searing through my entire body.


	8. Chapter 8

**Note from MrsGrey101: I'm very excited by this chapter and the prospects it allows me to follow. are you are too and I hope I've not done it too soon. Enjoy (I hope).**

When we get back to Escala the apartment is quiet, it feels empty, mirroring my own emotion.

"Can I get you anything Miss Steele?"

"No thank you Taylor, I think I may go straight to bed". He's been wonderful tonight. I can tell he's just as shocked at Christian's failure to accompany me to the hospital as I am.

"Sleep well"

"I will. And thank you again"

"My pleasure"

The pain killers are kicking in and doing wonders for the pain. I wish there was a small pill I could pop to take away the rawer, overwhelming sadness, loss and grief that I'm now feeling. I'm very tired, not having slept well from the night before and the drowsy feeling from the strong painkillers has made me feel very light headed.

I know, despite my fatigue that I won't sleep until I've spoken to Christian. I refuse to believe that this is what he wants. Can he really be acting this way? I'm resolved to stay up all night if I have to. He will open up to me.

I find him in his study. I stand in the door way. I feel drawn to him like a moth to a flame, please don't burn me. I look at my hand. He's absorbed in his work; I can stare at him forever, making mental notes about the way he moves, the tiny adjustments to his facial expressions while he thinks about whatever it is that has him locked away at his work.

His fingers move deftly over the keyboard. Those fingers that on their own have taken me to the highest point of pleasure, over and over again; I long to feel them on me, in me. I need him.

I run over to him and hurl myself in to his lap. "Hold me" I'm crying. He puts his arms around me and the feel of his embrace makes me cry harder. I can feel that he's not sure what to do, sense that he wants to make me feel better. We stay like that for some time. Neither one of us moving or saying anything. Eventually I am able to tear myself away from his chest.

I lift his face to mine with one hand and force him to look into my eyes.

"You must talk to me, you can't ignore me, I need you" I say controlling my voice, containing the last of the sobs threatening to escape.

"Ok"

"Ok, is that all you can say after everything that's happened? You've started acting like Leila did when you walked into the apartment. You're not that person anymore; I'm not Elena, Christian. I don't think I can be strong for both of us".

It's almost as if I can hear his brain working. My heart is thumping in my chest.

"It's not who I am Christian, I can't change who I am overnight."

He's still holding me, although his arms have become loose around my waist. I can feel him fighting the demons that are controlling him, but they're too strong, formed too long ago even for him. I can see the pain and confusion in his eyes.

"What do you want from me?"

"I never want you to leave me"

"This is ridiculous Christian. I was not planning on walking out on you last night. Do you really think if I was going to do that, that I'd be here now? It nearly killed me last time."

His Blackberry buzzes on the desk.

"It's ok, answer it" I get up off his lap and leave the room.

I need some time to think. Ok, this is good, he doesn't want me to leave, I don't want to, but can I do this? Deep down I know what he wants. All the signs are pointing me to it. I look to the stairs. Knowing my fate awaits me.

* * *

The door to Taylor's office is open and he's thankfully nowhere to be seen. I peep inside and scan the room. There are several monitors all showing various areas of the apartment and the access to it; the underground parking, the entrance to the elevator, the foyer, the roof.

I wish I could go back to that first night here, do it all again, if I'd just signed that stupid contract, maybe I now wouldn't be having to decide if I can do this. Can I really be Christian's…? I can't even think the word.

I step into the room and look for Taylor's keys. He must have a copy. I'm too embarrassed to ask for them. I open the top drawer of his desk, bingo. I hope he doesn't get it to trouble for this.

I climb the stairs slowly. I need to know if I can do this. I stare at the door. Words from Hamlet play on my mind; to be or not to be? With a trembling hand, I decide "to be" as I place the key in the lock, it turns easily, the click as it turns, opening up my future as well as the door.

I step into the room. I'm hit by the smell of leather, wood and citrus the way I was the first time I stepped in here.

My eyes dart around the room, my mind clicks over. What the hell are you doing Ana? Can you really? I need to try. For him. For us.

I start by running a hand along the cross attached to the far wall, pulling at the cuffs on each corner, putting one on my own ankle and doing it up. I free myself. Easy to do up, easy to undo.

The canes by the door grab my attention, I stare at them. I know he likes those. I pull out a long thin black cane with a silver ball at one end. I don't even know which end is which. It's much lighter than I expected it to be, I feel silly holding it. I swoosh it once lightly, hearing it rip the air, I swoosh it once more, harder, watching as it curves slightly with the friction in the air and as it lightly hits the floor.

I do it again, pulling it up short before it hits the mark I was aiming for. Again and again and again. I can stop the motion of it at any given moment.

_My subconscious is dressed in riding pants and carrying a whip_.

I know it's now or never. I have to get him to answer the one question that's been plaguing me all day.

I silently leave the room and tiptoe down the stairs, he must still be in his study, I can see the light coming from the room as I cross the great room quietly. My bag is still on the breakfast bar. I pull out my Blackberry and hurry back upstairs to put my plan into action.

Once safely back in the Red Room, I undo the buttons on my blouse so that the top of my breasts are pushing up through the opening. I run a hand through my hair from the roots, allowing it to become wild around my face.

*Playroom. NOW*

I press the send button. I pick up the cane from the floor; holding it in both arms outstretched like an offering and wait, staring at the door.

I can hear footfalls on the landing. I see the door knob turn. The lights are dim. He steps into the room, closing it gently behind him; I catch a glimmer of a smirk play on his lips.

"Answer me honestly. Is this how you want it to be from now?"

"Yes"

"Then I'll try".

There I've said it. I'm in control. I'm Christian's Dominant.


	9. Chapter 9

**Note from MrsGrey101: Sorry folks, Ana isn't quite ready for controlling the Red Room and to be frank neither am I! Thanks you for the feedback to chapter 8. I'm amazed by the responses! This next instalment was hard to write...I'm not James. Fingers crossed you like it! **

"Thank you, I wasn't sure you'd agree"

"I said I'd try"

I'm stumped. I now don't know what to do. I feel ridiculous, awkward. What if I do it wrong?

"We have to set some ground rules"

"A contract?" he suggests.

"No, sort of, maybe".

"I don't know where I'm meant to start with" I can feel the blood rush to my cheeks.

"That's ok. We can take this slowly, I can guide you for a while, but you're strong Ana, I know you can do this; your instincts will kick in. I had a taster this morning" He raises a hand to his cheek and a huge smile dances across his face and touches his eyes.

It's the first time I've seen him like this in over 24 hours. I've made him happy.

"I'm sorry about that"

"Rule number one Ana, never apologise to me. I enjoyed it, I needed it so badly"

"Huh? Needed it? I am sorry though and I wasn't your Dom then!" This is so confusing. I don't want to hurt him.

"Why did you need it?"

"You tell me, you issued the punishment"

"I don't know. I'm sorry was it wrong?"

"Rule number two, if you punish me then there has to have been a reason and you decide what I've done wrong and set the punishment you see fit, oh and you've already broken rule number one again"

"Don't Christian. Please don't mock me. I'm trying to get my head round this". Suddenly I'm angry. "I'm doing this for you Christian. I don't understand why, yet, or how but will you please not try and rattle my cage, coach me, guide me but don't make me feel like a child"

"If the roles were switched again and you were the submissive and you'd made me mad, I would punish you. Punish me; I think you'll find it helps"

"But I don't want to hurt you. I feel awful for hitting you this morning"

"Ana, baby, how many times do we have to go through this? It's not about inflicting hurt; sure it's about pain but only to the point of pleasure, for both of us"

"I really don't know if I'll like it, if I can find pleasure in doing those sorts of things to you"

"But, you said you'd try…."

"And, I will. Right now though, I'm tired and my hand is starting to hurt again, I just want to shower and go to sleep"

"Yes, how did that happen? I'm sorry I didn't go to the hospital with you"

"I poured boiling hot coffee over it, Jack was on my case and I was distracted by what was happening with us. You could make up for it…"

"Oh baby, I've done it again, I've allowed you to get hurt again"

"What? What do you mean "again"?"

"It doesn't matter. You said I could make it up to you, how?" he's slowly moved closer to me, his body is pressed against mine, his erection is pushing against his pants and into my leg. His head is lowered and locked on the floor.

"No, not in here", I lift his face and force his eyes to mine, amazing grey eyes stare into my frightened blue, encouraging me. I take his hand, drop the cane and lead him out of the Red Room.

I lead him into the bedroom. Not realising his hand for a moment, I'm relishing in such a simple touch, too frightened to let go. If I do then maybe he'll stop talking. I can't break this contact with him.

I know how he reacts to my touch, I know I make him feel the way I do, my stomach is already summersaulting at the thought of us together, the sensation only increasing with every moment our hands are held together.

I lead him into the bathroom, and turn the faucet on the bathtub.

"I want you to touch me all over and then I want you to make love to me" It's much easier than the first time I said it and knowing I'm in control, I know he has to do it. I feel a sudden flutter of delight that he can't fuck me now unless I want him to.

"Undress me"

He steps in, one hand still in mine; with the other he slowly puts his hand to my chest, his fingers just touching the peak of my breast.

"Look at me, I want to see you" He lifts his head. Our eyes meet, I would do anything for this man, I'm completely under his spell.

He releases my hand and agonizingly slowly undoes one button, his fingers skimming my sternum and then my stomach as he moves on to each button, it's electric. I can feel the familiar sensation rising in me, stirring in my groin. His hands move to my back and he slowly runs his fingers down my spine, it tingles along the way. He leaves one hand on my lower back and pulls me ever so closer to him. I can hear the zipper of my skirt as his hand caresses me gently as he pulls it down. He slowly tugs my blouse over my shoulder and offers me a hand to step out of the skirt now pooled at my feet.

"Kiss me. All over", I know he's enjoying this. His mouth meets mine in one tender kiss, his lips moving along my jaw and slowly down my neck, my head arches back and pushes my breasts into his chest. His lips are in constant contact with my body, I'm nothing but sensation, my vision is unfocused, his strong hands holding me up. He moves behind me his hands press into my stomach, intensifying the feeling of desire, his lips move down my spine, his hands travelling up my arms, pulling my bra straps over my shoulders, undoing the clasp, his hands are gentle, they push the lace of my panties down, his thumbs catching the tops of pantyhose in one movement leaving me completely vulnerable in my undress.

His lips are on the small of my back, he spins me around to face him, I lift his chin away from me, the slow hypnotic rhythm of his kisses and touch are pushing me close to the edge of ecstasy. "Stop, wash me"

He lifts me and places me in the tub of warm water; slowly he starts to rub my back. "Join me". He's out of his clothes and opposite me in the tub, his erection proud and tantalising.

He lifts a leg and begins to trail kisses up my inner leg, he pulls me towards him in the water, I can feel the tip of him press against me, his hands are on my breasts, circling and grabbing, my nipples harden as he runs his thumbs over them.

"In me", I say in an exhale of blissful feeling.

He inserts two fingers and slowly, agonizingly withdraws them and I'm undone, I reach my climax and gasp, embarrassed by the speed that he has over my body.

His gazes is once more lowered, "I'm not done with you yet, I said I wanted you to make love to me, I want to feel you in me completely" I'm suddenly brazen.

He steps out of the bath and gently lifts me, drips of water run down his nose and splatter on me, he lays me carefully on the bed, I close my eyes and can hear the rip of the foil pack, the movement of the bed as he supports himself on his arms above me, the tip of his erection pushing against me, waiting to enter, his lips find mine and at that moment he slowly pushes into me, I feel as though I'm having an out of body experience, he withdraws and pushes deeper into me, slowly each time, taking me more inch by inch. He moves with such control slowly building a rhythm, my hips grinding up to meet him.

"Oh Christian" my words are his and my undoing as we reach the highest peak together.

For some reason I find tears are trickling down my face, in this moment of perfect tranquillity, held in his arms, I cannot contain them.

* * *

In the morning light, I wake from a peaceful dream. My hand is hurting but I feel in some way liberated. I roll on to my side to admire the form of the man who hours ago made the sweetest love to me.

Christian isn't there and I suddenly feel very lonely.


	10. Chapter 10

I'm at work early. There was little point in sitting at home until my usual start time; Christian had already gone to work and its Mrs Jones' day off. I find the vast space in Christian's apartment a lot to deal with sometimes. I can't believe he left me there, not even a note or a text. He can be so infuriating.

My stomach grumbles. I had time for breakfast but couldn't handle the idea of eating so early in the morning, I make a mental note to make sure I take a trip to the Deli mid-morning, Christian would be angry if he knew that I hadn't eaten…actually he can't get angry. I feel quite smug.

I turn on my computer, hoping to get a half hours work done before Jack arrives and starts throwing things at me to do. Maybe he'll still be being nice to me following my accident, he seemed genuinely concerned. As my e-mail's open up, I feel disappointment, nothing from Christian. I was expecting an explanation; why would he choose to sleep upstairs again? He's so confusing, I thought despite the shift in the way we're now going to "conduct" are relationship that things would be back to how they were.

It's starting to feel clinical and too ordered. I'm not sure which way is up and which way is down. He can be so gentle and loving one moment and the next it's a completely hostile environment and I'm still out on left field not understanding how and why things are different. I wonder if Flynn has been made privy to the reason for Christian's sudden relapse. I refuse to believe that he wants to be like this again. I promised I'd try and I will, but I refuse to accept that this is how he wants it to be. Permanently.

I want answers. If he won't open the line of communication then I guess it's down to me.

**From:** Anastasia Steele

**Subject:** Good Morning

**Date: **June 16 2011 07.38

**To:** Christian Grey

I was hoping to hear these words before starting my day.

I think it's only polite that, given my new position, I am shown some common courtesies.

Anastasia Steele

Assistant to Jack Hyde, Editor, SIP

Too playful? I do really mean this but, I guess it's not his fault, I'm right not to be hard on him; I was asleep, but to wake up alone after such an important evening in our relationship…..

Ping. My heart stops for a moment. Thankfully he is still talking to me.

**From:** Christian Grey

**Subject:** RE: Good Morning

**Date: **June 16 2011 07.40

**To:** Anastasia Steele

Sorry.

You were sleeping. You looked very peaceful. I didn't want to disturb you.

Good morning. I trust you slept well?

Christian Grey

CEO, Grey Enterprises Holdings, Inc.

What is a girl to make of from that? He can be so exasperating. I was not expecting such a formal response.

**From:** Anastasia Steele

**Subject:** I slept ok

**Date: **June 16 2011 07.43

**To:** Christian Grey

….I would have slept better if you had stayed with me. It's still your room, still your bed.

Rule number three. I expect you to sleep in the same bed as me every night.

Anastasia Steele

Assistant to Jack Hyde, Editor, SIP

Yes, I like this. I know what I want and now I can get it.

**From:** Christian Grey

**Subject:** As you wish

**Date: **June 16 2011 07.45

**To:** Anastasia Steele

I'll sleep wherever you want me to.

Christian Grey

CEO, Grey Enterprises Holdings, Inc.

Hmmm, I really like the sound of that. This could work for us. There is one more thing that's plaguing me though, for now.

**From:** Anastasia Steele

**Subject:** Rule number four

**Date: **June 16 2011 07.48

**To:** Christian Grey

Always look me in the eye.

I don't like the whole head lowered thing. It's too weird, too much like her the other night. It pains me to see you that way. Everything else… I'm willing to give it a go.

Jack will be in soon. Pick me up after work tonight at 6.

Ana x

Anastasia Steele

Assistant to Jack Hyde, Editor, SIP

I feel better for having got that off my chest. He seems willing to compromise. I will keep to my word. I owe him that much. I owe us that much. I can't however shake off the niggling feeling that this is going to lead us down a road that may be too hard to turn back from. If this goes wrong and he doesn't like it, will he look at me the same afterwards? Would there be an afterwards? I can't allow myself to think about it. The fear of never being with him is too great; the lump that has been a constant threat for the last 48 hours rises a little higher. I must be strong.

"Good morning Ana, how is your hand?"

Jack startles me.

"Oh. Good morning Jack. My hand is much better thank you and thank you for yesterday".

"Well, I'm glad to hear that Ana. Do you think you can manage a coffee and then I need you to catch up on the manuscripts from yesterday, and today's must get done too, and I my need you to come to a meeting with me"

"Sure Jack. I'll get on to them straight away" He walks off. So much for another day of Jack going easy on me. Oh well, at least I'll be busy.

I can't wait for the day to be over. And to be with Christian again.


	11. Chapter 11

**Note from MrsGrey101: Sorry for not posting yesterday, I've been contemplating and deciding just how much further I want to take this while staying true to A and C. Please keep the reviews coming, I love reading your comments. **

By mid-afternoon, I haven't had a second to myself. Jack as promised has practically had me tied to my desk all day, the piles of manuscripts that keep finding their way on to my desk is fretting to topple on to my half eaten lunch which lays going to stale beside me.

I've been waiting all day for a response from Christian but my e-mail, open in front of me, refuses to reward me. I never really had myself pegged as needy but these last couple of days I've never wanted anything more than to have all of Christian's attention. I resent the fact that he works so hard despite the rewards that it clearly brings.

I want a simple life. That's it, that's the key to my happiness. Just me and Christian, we could live in a cardboard box and I'd be happy. None of this crap matters.

"Ana!" Why does he feel the need to shout every time he wants my attention?

"Yes Jack!" I smiley sweetly, he can't seriously have any more for me to do.

"My office now"

I unwillingly take to me feet. Is this guy for real?

* * *

I'm waiting outside SIP for Christian. I'm excited to see him; I have butterflies in my stomach. I've been playing last night over and over again in my head. My subconscious has been clad in black leather all day reading "How to Snare your Man and Keep Him Tied Up" all day.

At 6.10 the SUV finally pulls up to the curb. He's never kept me waiting before. I've had a tough day juggling the demands that Jack has asked of me. He wanted everything five minutes ago.

Taylor climbs out and opens the door for me.

"Thank you Taylor"

He gives a subtle nod of his head. Hmm, I wonder what his problem is.

Christian looks every bit of his usual gorgeous self. His head is up, rule number four, check. He looks happy.

"Good evening Ana, did you gave a good day?" I can hear the playful hint of sarcasm to his voice.

"Yes, thank you, busy, but good; you? How was the world of mergers and acquisitions today?"

"Good, same as it always is"

I feel like we're playing some sort of game, we're waltzing around each other, neither one of us moving in time with the music. It's almost like we're complete strangers who happen to be sharing a car.

I stare out at the oncoming signs of dusk settling over Seattle and ride the rest of the journey home in silence. Tonight I'm going to show Christian just how much I'm willing to try.

* * *

As we ride up in the elevator, I decide that now is the time to let him in on my plans.

"You've made me angry"

I can sense his body lock with what, excitement, confusion, anticipation?

The atmosphere is palpable.

"Do you want to know why?"

"Only if you see fit to tell me; you are entirely within your rights not to"

Not the answer I was expecting.

The doors slide open onto the foyer. I step out and walk away from Christian, heading towards the bedroom; I pause and turn to check that he isn't following me, not yet, a little later, he can wait, there are some things I need to do.

I gesture for him to make his way into the grand room.

"After dinner. I expect you to be waiting. Laters", I grin at him.

Once safely in the bedroom, I begin my hunt, I know I've seen it here. I carelessly pull open the drawers to the dresser containing my clothes, yes, there it is. Now to go with it.

* * *

I shower quickly and towel dry my hair, it hangs loosely, in a light wave around my face. Perfect.

I take in the look in my eyes that stare back from me from the mirror, I can see the tension in them; I'm beginning to feel nervous, unsure. I look like a slightly wild caged animal, too petrified to do anything. I've been waiting for this all day. I cannot back down; this is just going to take some getting used to.

Ughh, why did I tell him I was angry? I am a bit, but surely it would have just been better to test the waters tonight and see what happens? I can't ask him what I'm meant to do now, allow him to train me, I have to be prepared. I refuse to show him that this might just be too much for me to bare. Try? I promised.


End file.
